Subversion
by Emma CS Me
Summary: Finn is attacked by Kurt's boyfriend one night, when home alone. Not that anyone is going to realize it. Beware - triggery. COMPLETE.
1. The Roses

**A/N: **Written for the **glee_angst_meme**, the prompt: "Finn is home alone one night, and Kurt's new boyfriend, Sam, sneaks into the house; attacking Finn, and raping him in his own bed. Rather than calling the police, or telling someone; Finn goes into denial, washing his sheets to get rid of the blood stains, and pretending that he's fine whenever Sam is invited over for dinner at their place. Burt and Carole notice Finn's discomfort whenever Sam is around, but Burt accuses Finn of being homophobic again." And I have a feeling I'm going to _really_ regret writing this when season 2 airs and Sam has an actual character. :|

* * *

**1: The Roses**

Finn's just hanging out at his house one night, idly watching something on TV – he's not really paying attention. He's the only one home; Burt and Mom have gone on some date, and Kurt's out with the girls – Finn doesn't mind. He's content just lounging there, being lazy, when the doorbell rings.

He frowns a little, but crosses over to the door and opens it. He seems Sam, Kurt's boyfriend, dressed in black jeans and a fancy-looking equally black silk shirt. He holds his hands behind his back, and looks anxious.

"Sam?"

"Hey Finn," he says. "Is Kurt home?"

Finn shakes his head. "Nah, he's out with Mercedes and Quinn and Tina," he explains. "And what's behind your back?"

Sam snorts slightly. "Wow, I missed my timing. And they're roses," he says, pulling them out from behind his back. Finn blinks.

"Roses?"

"I wanted to surprise Kurt. You know what a romantic he is," Sam says. He sighs and hands the flowers to Finn. "Tell him I was here, and I brought these. Don't want this visit to be for nothing."

"Wait," Finn says as Sam's about to turn around and go home. "You can come in. There's no-one home, I'm _bored_."

Finn steps aside so Sam can come in, and he does so, putting the flowers down on the table. "Thanks," he says. Finn goes to the kitchen and for the fridge.

"You want a beer or something?"

"Thanks."

Finn gets two out and returns to the lounge room, giving one to Sam, who is grimacing at the show. "Oh god, tell me you don't actually watch this," Sam says.

Finn frowns. "Um. No? I'm not that sure what it actually is. Wasn't really paying attention."

"Oh thank god," says Sam. "It's terrible. Terribly written, offensive, cheesy, and it's just not _funny_."

"Dude, relax," Finn says. "It's just a show. We can change the channel."

He does so, although he doesn't pay any more attention to this show than the last one. He and Sam make small talk, discussing football, Glee (which Sam isn't in, but he's interested in what Kurt does), Kurt, Rachel, a whole bunch of crap. They just sit there for ages, occasionally pausing because one of them needs to go to the bathroom – Finn remembers to threaten Sam with bodily harm if he touches his beer.

After a while, Finn starts to feel a little woozy. This confuses him. There's a buzzing in his ears, and not the pleasant kind he'd get if he was wasted – sure Puck's drunk him under the table every time they've actually checked, but even he's not enough of a lightweight to get drunk off one beer – it feels like having a wasp in there, and wasps freak him out – he's allergic to bees and apparently that means wasp stings can kill you – so this is bad. He takes another gulp of his beer, hoping it will clear his head, but it only makes things worse – he feels tired, and he feels a little sick.

_The hell_?

Sam notices the expression on Finn's face, and looks concerned. "You okay?"

Finn shakes his head. "No," he says, the word getting slurred in his mouth. His vision is starting to blur; his head feels like it's swimming, and he no longer feels like he has any control over his limbs. They feel loose and unsteady, like jello.

Sam puts down his beer, then reaches across and takes Finn's out of his hand, putting that down too. "You look like you need to sleep," he says, getting up and kneeling before Finn. Finn nods thoughtlessly. "Your room. Can you walk?"

Finn isn't sure, so he tries – he unsteadily tries to stand up; his knees buckle and he collapses. Sam manages to catch him, and somewhere at the back of his mind Finn is a little impressed – being six foot five does not equal being an easy weight to catch.

"Come on," Sam says, wrapping one of Finn's big arms around his shoulders and starting to walk. He drags Finn up to his room (somehow, he knows which one it is) and puts him down on the bed. Finn closes his eyes and groans, tired on levels he wasn't even that aware of, and curls up slightly. His body will only respond in the tiniest of ways to the commands of his brain.

Sam sits down on the bed with him, which surprises Finn – he expected Sam to walk away, go home or call Kurt, saying "Hi, your almost-stepbrother's dying for no real reason, mind getting your ass back here?" but he doesn't do either. Finn opens his eyes slightly, and Sam gently strokes the side of his face – Finn shivers a little, thinking _the hell_?

"What?" Finn tries to ask, but it just comes out as a meaningless sound, like 'Fah?'. Sam smiles, and his hand wanders slowly down, mapping the area of Finn's chest through the stretchy fabric of his T-shirt.

"It's okay, it's okay," Sam whispers, but the room in Finn's brain not taken up by the buzzing really doesn't agree. This is scaring him. He wants to leave. He tries to get back up, but his body doesn't obey – he makes it up about a third of an inch – and his head is spinning too much for him to have any idea how to get out of here. Through his blurry vision, he thinks he sees the area of Sam's crotch looking bigger, but – _no_. It's just his crazy eyes and crazy brain, Sam's not really going to...

That thought gets cut off midway through when Sam reaches for zipper of Finn's jeans, dragging it open slowly. Finn makes a choked, panicking sound, to which Sam responds, "Shh, shh, it's okay." Finn doesn't believe him. Sam slides the pants off way too easily, and Finn whimpers – if Puck was here, he'd probably make fun of Finn for sounding like a girl. Sam's hand then reaches for his own jeans, standing for a second to take them off, then carefully unbuttoning the shirt. Finn uses the opportunity to try and get up again, but he doesn't succeed any more than he did last time. Soon, Sam crouches before him, naked – although Finn's vision is still too blurry to see the finer details – pressed against Finn.

He enters roughly, with no preparation, and Finn wails – it _hurts_. A lot. Tears form in his eyes, somehow making everything even blurrier. The bizarre swirling effect in his head is doing its best to block out a little of the pain, but it's not working, not with the rough thrusts inside him that make Finn whimper and wail. Something snaps and he's pretty sure he can feel blood over his thighs, although it's hard to concentrate on any one sensation at a time; he gets torn between watching the spinning Earth, feeling the pain and the nausea, and listening to Sam's grunts and his own girly cries. _Pathetic_, Finn thinks, and he's not even a hundred percent sure what that means, so...

He rolls his head back on the pillow, desperate to focus on _anything_ but the horrible image of Sam above him. He strains to make the sight of his headboard come back into focus, but then Sam roughly tugs his head back down, which fucks up that plan. "Look at me," Sam says, holding Finn in place so he can't really disobey. Sam picks up the pace and that makes it hurt more; Finn winces and flinches. His head is still screaming _nopleasedon'tdon'tnoplease_, but his tongue feels useless in his mouth, and he just can't _talk_ – all that comes out are garbles cries and whimpers.

Sam comes and it's finally open; Finn's body just lies there as the other boy pulls out of him. Sam breathes heavily, pulls his clothes back on, but doesn't bother with Finn's.

When he's fully dressed, Sam walks out of the room, leaving Finn bloody and lying there on the bed. His head still feels like a swarm of insects, but as much as Finn can think, he thinks Sam is leaving, before he comes back into the room.

"Finn."

Sam throws something and Finn blinks at the barely-there weight landing on his chest; the soft touch and the prickle of thorns. He looks down as much as he can, and sees the bloom of red across his chest – his blurry vision and addled mind makes him think it's just the blood for a few seconds, but then he realizes what they are. The roses.

"Don't give those to Kurt. Keep 'em yourself," Sam says, and goes. Finn hears the front door swing open, then shut, and mercifully passes out.


	2. Deny Everything

**2: Deny Everything**

When Finn wakes it, it takes him a split-second to remember where he is; what just happened. It's the sight of his jeans toward the side of his bed and the blood on the sheets that reminds him. His stomach lurches and his body lurches with it, even though that makes his head spin even harder. He's not fully awake, and he's got this feeling like Sam did something to him – he doesn't think that beer should have made him the way it did.

Fuck.

Finn _slowly_ pulls himself up to sitting, resting against the headboard. It hurts. Every movement worsens the throbbing pain in his ass, and wow, that's something he never expected to think. There's still a sickening trail of blood coming out, only a trickle, but it makes him feel sick. He barely manages to hold onto his food.

This can't be happening. It _isn't_ happening. Fuck what is logical, and what all his senses are telling him; there is no way this could have happened. Not to _him_. Yeah, Finn doesn't have the best luck in the world, and these things do happen, but they don't happen to _him_. And Sam is a good guy, you know? He's good with Kurt, puts up with all kind of shit from the football team; he was here bringing Kurt _roses_, for fuck's sake. The kind of guy bringing his boyfriend flowers in the middle of the night for no real reason would not be the kind of guy to...

Finn doesn't even want to finish that sentence.

He looks down to see those flowers on the bed, slightly crushed from where he slept on them. Now he thinks about it, he can't just feel where the thorns were in his back. Being careful not to prick his fingers – although he's not sure why he's bothering at this point – he lifts them up to his face, and just stares at how _red_ they are.

Red roses. Red blood on the sheets. Red skin as Sam got more and more excited and horny; fucking him into the mattress and not caring–

No, Finn's not going to think like that. He's pretty sure denying it can't be healthy in the long run, but it's pretty much all he's got right now. Because he _can't_ admit it. If he admits it, he'll have to deal with it, and if he has to deal with it, _everyone_ will have to deal with it, and that's wrong. Kurt is _happy_ with Sam; like, properly happy for the first time... pretty much ever. Finn can't take that away from him. Not when he already had Kurt waste enough time pining after him, and he fucked up dealing with that so badly. Kurt deserves a good guy, and Finn can't ruin that for him.

Besides, Finn knows this town. If he says Sam... did anything... to him; it's just gonna make everyone think they were right about the gay guys in this town all along – even those who are being swayed to the other side, or at least hiding in fear of Kurt-and-Sam's place on the social ladder – say they're freaks and perverts and predators who are going to attack and destroy all the little innocent sweet straight boys. Like Finn.

He _knows_ what it will mean – the days of dumpster dives will be over for Kurt; he'll be lucky if he makes it a month without being put in the hospital. If not killed. Finn bets the Mr. Berrys will be ambushed, and Rachel will try not to be pissed at him for that but kind of unable to help it, and that's so unfair, because those guys are really cool and the best parents Rachel could ask for. Kurt's really cool too, and Finn is not going to be selfish enough to ruin these all those people because of his own issues.

He's pretty sure there's something off in his logic, but oh well.

Once he's thought all this over, he looks at the sheets again and realizes he has to clean up before anyone gets back – because he can't let anyone find out. It takes him a few seconds to move his hands, grab his jeans off the floor and pulls them on (for some reason, Sam didn't bother taking Finn's shirt off). He wonders vaguely if, how he's still bleeding out of his ass, that might show – huh, maybe that's why girls are always so antsy during their period. They're worried about bleeding all over their clothes.

Finn thinks about it, realizing he's not bleeding _much_ and the jeans are dark anyway. Oh well, thank god for small mercies.

He manages to stand up – although it still hurts like hell and his knees are shaking – and strips the sheets off the bed, because dude, _blood_. A little suspicious. Plus Finn really doesn't want to have to deal with seeing his sheets like that any more.

He just stares at them for a few seconds, wondering what he's meant to do. He can't just put them in the was like usual; his mom would find them, and blood... she'd see something's up. Which is against the whole point. She _can't_ let anyone know something's up, because if it does, it all comes crashing down. Everything, for everyone, and he doesn't want to have that on his conscience.

If he's being brutally honest, he doesn't want to _deal_ with it; the aftermath and the sympathy and people trying to understand and help and shit. He can't do that. He just wants to forget the whole thing, move on and let Sam be Kurt's Boyfriend, nothing more important in his life.

He wants to forget. He just wants to forget.

_Sink_, Finn manages to think after a few seconds. He drags the soiled sheets to the laundry room where the massive sink is, and fills it with cold water – he thinks he red somewhere that's better for blood stains than hot. He plunges the sheets in with the tap still running, wringing the blood out again and again, even if the cold is making him shiver – like, more than he already was. He's glad the blood is still more-or-less wet, so it's not that hard to get it out. At least, he doesn't have to like, soak them, which would be against the whole point.

There's something sickeningly _normal_ about the way he's thinking about what he's doing. He's cleaning up. That simple.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Eventually the sheets are more or less clean, and he pulls them out, dumping them in the hamper – hopefully his mom won't bother to ask why they're already wet. He doesn't think she will. He tries to remember what he was doing before Sam showed up; he was watching TV, wasn't he? He should go do that. Act like it didn't happen.

It didn't happen.

He's mindlessly watching the screen, trying his best not to think, when Kurt comes in. "Hi Finn," he says.

Finn blinks a few times. "Hey. It's like, almost midnight dude."

Kurt shrugs. "We got distracted. While our parents being out at this late hour would not imply anything good, tell me they are, so I won't get in trouble – I know the way dad gets when I stay out late."

"You're golden; they're not back yet."

Kurt nods. "Okay. Did anything interesting happen when I was out?"

Finn's heart pretty much _explodes _in its panic. "Wh-what?" he stutters out, pulling on his clothes. Oh god, _please_ don't let him think...

Kurt shrugs. "It's not a big deal. It's just, Sam was acting like he might... Anyway."

Finn's stomach clenches again at the sound of _that_ name. "I haven't seen Sam," he lies, and Kurt doesn't seem to doubt him for a second.

"Okay," says Kurt, and then he gives a loud yawn. "I think I'll go do my moisturizing routine and go to bed. Say hi to our parents when they finally show up, okay?"

Finn nods as Kurt walks off in blissful ignorance, and he stays glued to the TV. Eventually their parents _do_ show up, and Finn takes that as a signal that it's safe to go sleep now. Somewhere at the back of his head is the idea that this still might all be some horrible nightmare, and if he goes to sleep, when he wakes up he'll be back in the real world and everything will be just fine.

When he walks into his room that idea pretty much dies. Oh god, it still smells like him, _it_ – all blood and jizz and oh god, oh god. Finn doubles over, coughing and gagging and doing his best not to spew. He forces himself to sit down on his bed – that same bed, where Sam pushed his helpless body down and pulled off his clothes, rammed his way inside while Finn just lay there, head spinning and body out of control, not even able to beg him to stop – and digs his fingers in hard to the replacement sheets. He wants to cry, but he forces himself not to, just because if he does he's not sure he'll be able to stop. Sam...

He can't say it. He _has_ to say it.

"He raped me."

The sentence bounces off the walls and around Finn's head. His face is scrunched up tight, like this is one of those math problems he can't understand – it feels similar. The word feels too massive and important, and too small and empty, all at the same time – that doesn't make sense, does it?

Finn buries his head in his hands, trying his best not to let through a choked sob – he fails pretty epically. Then another. And another. Before long he's weeping uncontrollably into his hands, leaning down and burying his head in the pillow so no-one will hear. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees those red roses, flattened in the corner.


	3. Equilibrium

**3: Equilibrium**

When he returns to school, Rachel comes bouncing up to him immediately.

"Finn, hi!" she exclaims, leaping into his arms and kissing him on the cheek.

"Um?" he responds, hugging her back, even though the touch of her skin on his is kind of making him want to be sick. That's not fair. He hates it whenever anyone puts a hand near him, never mind Rachel and her PDA, but he _can't_ let it show. He knows that. If he lets it show, everyone will figure out what happened, and it'll hurt them all if they have to know. And Finn won't let that happen. He's just not that much of a douche.

It's not fair, but what can you do?

"Sorry," she says, pulling back. "Just, you know me. How was your weekend?"

Finn's lips go tight. "Fine."

"Boring?"

"Pretty much."

She nods, blissfully ignorant. "Okay. My dads have sought out a new class for me to attend; it's basically focused on those who want to do Broadway, with a bit more of an emphasis on the acting area. I think it could really do me good; I have trained by voice with a near-religious conviction, but I'm not sure I have worked enough on my ability to act if I'm going to follow my goals."

Finn nods, a little intimidated. "Sounds awesome," he says. Rachel's like that; she's so headstrong and enthusiastic and _decided_ about everything, it scares him a little. Most of the time he doesn't even know what he should have for lunch.

If Rachel found out what happened, it would destroy her. She'd dedicate everything she had to making Sam _pay_; she'd forget herself and lose the chances she's always working so hard for. She'd invest so much in what happened that she'd never be able to see him without it again, she'd worry so much about hurting him, and it would ruin what they have. This town would _crush_ her dads, and that would break her heart, he knows that.

He loves her. He's not going to do that to her; _any_ of it. Fuck.

She smiles. "I know. It _will_, however, occupy some time... Saturday evenings and Friday afternoons. I know, we do a lot of stuff around then, but this is... kind of important to me. You understand, right?"

He nods quickly. "Yeah. I get it, really. We'll do stuff at other times, Rachel; I know the way you get about this arts stuff. I can't wait to see you act."

"There's going to be a small production in a few months, so you better enjoy," she says, gently snaking her hand down to hold his. He can't help it. He jerks his hand away, not missing the vague hurt look in her eyes. They go still in the corridor, her staring at him, and he kind of feels like he's being interrogated.

He takes in a deep breath, closing his hand on her forearm. "Hey. I love you, you know that?"

She beams. "You've said it a few times," she says. "I love you too."

He doesn't want to – holding her arm through the cloth makes him feel like there are bugs crawling all over him, and _ew_ – but he leans forward, and kisses her softly on the forehead. "I've gotta get to Bio. See you."

She waves as he goes. He has to keep things normal, right now. For her. For everyone.

* * *

Finn is either dumb or desperate enough to forget it's a Monday for a while – and he has football practice after school. He managed to avoid Sam throughout the school day, but football practice – the guy will be _there_. Working with him. Playing the game with him. Being in the locker room with him.

Like everything's _fine_.

Finn barely manages to force himself to go to practice, but the more responsible half of him wins out. After all, if he started skipping practice, people would get suspicious, and anything that even _risks_ people finding out...

So he goes. He's the last one there, while a few of the guys say hi and a few just roll their eyes. Sam tries to smile at him, and Finn looks at the ground sullenly, kind of nauseous all of a sudden.

"So. The great quarterback decides to show," Coach Tanaka says, catching his eye. "We finally worthy of your presence, Princess?"

Finn looks back up. "Sorry coach," he says sheepishly. "I had... stuff."

Coach Tanaka is usually a pretty good guy, but he kind of got worse since that whole mess with Ms. Pilsbury. Finn's like seventy percent sure Tanaka kind of hates him because Schue likes him. Which is like, totally unfair, but whatever.

A few of the guys start to break into homophobic slurs and their usual bullshit, but they're easily quietened down by Sam's eyebrow raise and subtle clenching of his fist. It's been that way for a while – whenever the guys spread shit, Sam would threaten them into shutting up, because even if he is gay, Sam's still one of their best players and big enough to be really fucking scary. It's made a lot of people's lives a lot easier, including Finn's.

If he said anything, everything would go back to normal. Sam wouldn't shut people up if he was locked in jail forever. Everything would be worse.

He mostly manages to avoid the guy through most of practice, even though Sam keeps trying to catch his eye. Finn's got a theory – if he doesn't look at Sam, he doesn't have to admit Sam still exists. And if he doesn't admit Sam still exists, he's not going to throw up all over everything.

* * *

It's all fine until they get to the locker rooms, and they have to... _God_. But Finn does it, because if he doesn't they'll _know_, and...

He can't. He just can't.

He thinks he can feel Sam's eyes on him, examining him, watching what he took. But it's not until they're getting dressed again after the showers that Finn's eyes get caught on his own form, looking down. He can't understand why Sam did it. When he looks at his body, he can't see how he's anything special – least of all something Sam would risk prison for. He's certain there's got to be _something_; some kind of reason under the pale bruises he can barely see, but fuck knows what.

"Dude, Hudson," someone says, snapping him back to reality. "Put your fucking clothes on. If you're trying to make the resident queer want you like this, it ain't gonna work."

And Finn doubles over, coughing and gagging and spluttering. He can't breathe. He can't _breathe_.

"Finn!"

"Dude, Hudson?"

"You fucking idiot!" Finn vaguely hears Sam's voice ring out, giving one of the guys a shove. "Fuck! Finn, are you okay? Can you hear me?"

Sam is _right there_, getting in his face, and Finn starts squirming away and whimpering – right now, he doesn't give a fuck that it's pathetic and suspicious, he just wants _out_.

"All of you, _fuck off!_" someone bellows out. It takes a few moments for Finn to realize that was Puck.

"Dude, what do you think – I mean, is he–

"He'll be just fucking fine, if you all _leave,_" Puck says. "Go. Before I smash your brains in."

There are rolled eyes and mumblings of 'those two have always been queer for each other, man', but everyone files out. Finn starts to regain his breath, collapsing onto the bench. He feels safer with Puck here, and that might be the least manly thing he has ever thought.

And plus, _Puck_. Who knocked up his girlfriend. What the fuck?

"You are such a girl, Hudson," Puck says, drawing Finn's attention.

"I know," Finn says, forcing a smile, although his voice comes out croaky and hoarse. Puck frowns.

"Dude, you okay?"

Finn nods. "Yeah. It's just like, this lung thing going on. I get these crazy spells. It's weird."

Puck frowns. "Dude, that sucks."

Finn nods. "Yeah. You can... let all the guys back in, now. I'll be okay."

Puck shrugs. "Nah. I'd rather hang the fuckers out to dry. They're all dressed and shit, we were all leaving, it's just gonna piss 'em off. And those assholes deserve whatever they get."

Finn smiles, and it's not all that forced. "Thanks."

Puck sits down beside him. "You want me to stay with you, man? In case, like, this thing happens again?"

Finn snorts. "And you say I'm a girl," he says. Then he pauses. "Yeah. Yes. Please."

Puck shrugs and nods. They sit there in silence, and Finn is suddenly struck by the urge to break down, to confess, to tell Puck everything and say 'Be the good best friend – help me!' But he doesn't. He can't. If he tells Puck everyone will find out, and the whole balance that is keeping his world in check will be thrown out the window.

_This isn't fair this isn't fair this isn't fair_.

They just sit there for a while, and Puck doesn't say anything that makes Finn feel any better. But he doesn't leave, and that's something.

* * *

Once Finn drags himself out (he's pretty sure he wasn't really in there for as long as he feels he was), Sam manages to catch up to him. Finn does his best not to throw up, but starts walking faster.

"Hey, Finn! Can we talk?"

Finn stops walking, at least partially because his legs kind of feel like they're about to give out from under him. He turns to Sam with the most normal voice he can manage. "Talk about what?"

Because that's his plan. Nothing happened. Everyone needs to believe that to keep the world in check, and so Finn has to keep everyone believing it. Nothing happened. He can make it true, and if there's another guy who knows about it, well, Finn's just has to convince him too.

Sam bites his lip. "About what happened back there... and last Saturday... Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was dumb. I shouldn't have done it. I don't blame you for freaking a bit."

Finn looks away. Well, he hasn't talked him away from knowing so far. "I don't know what you're talking about," he says, refusing to acknowledge those tears at the back of his eyes. Because if he's going to convince _anyone_ – especially Sam – that nothing happened, he needs to start believing it.

Sam actually smiles. "Thanks," he says. "What's done is done, right? No use talking. Let's just forget it, right?"

Finn forces himself to look up. "Yeah," he says, nodding along mindlessly.

"So you won't tell Kurt?"

Finn shakes his head. "No, of course not."

And Sam breaks into a motherfucking _grin_. "Thanks. Seriously, Finn; you really are awesome."

Sam slaps him on the arm, and Finn wants to shriek or bawl like a girl. He doesn't do either, but he does jump away from the touch. Sam doesn't notice, and as he walks away, Finn is filled with a sinking feeling that he's made one of the biggest mistakes of his life.


	4. Date Night

**4: Date Night**

Unfortunately, the world as it is goes on. Football, Glee, school, friends, family, blah blah blah. Finn can't help but feel like the world is out of step; like it's all gotten a little blurry – he can make out the details pretty easily if he tries, but it's annoying.

Falling somewhere between the 'friends' and 'family' category (Finn hasn't decided which is more appropriate yet) is Kurt. Finn is mostly okay with him – he's trying to be anyway, because it's not his fault what...

Finn's trying really hard not to think about it.

Anyway, the thing about Kurt is – he's everywhere. At school, at home, and he's so fucking _happy_ with his life and friends and lack-of-being-thrown-into-dumpsters, and his _fucking boyfriend_, that Finn never gets any time to forget why he's doing this. He never gets a second to wallow, and think that he has every right to blab, and that he's the victim here. No, Kurt is always there, and Finn always knows that if he said a thing, he would ruin Kurt for good. And that would be so unfair – hasn't he caused Kurt enough pain already?

(Hold on, how is _that_ fair. He didn't do anything to cause this, so why should he have to keep it secret for anyone else's sakes? Besides, Kurt was the one who fucking dragged Sam into everything anyway – let him see how he likes it when he realized how badly he fucked up.)

(That's not fair either. Kurt didn't know anything, and Finn's not going to let him know anything. It would break his heart.)

(Can he stop having epic mental debates now?)

Anyway, another unfortunate problem with Kurt dating Sam is that it means Sam is _around_. More than he would usually be, with football and school and everything. And Finn is trying to let it go; really, he is. But it's _harder_ when he sees that face – never smug or cruel, no, just looking like a normal guy who's head-over-heels in love with Kurt – everywhere and he has to do his best not to curl up in a ball and cry like a baby, or maybe just drop dead.

And that's what Finn is thinking of, when Kurt announces that he and Sam are having some kind of movie marathon next Friday night.

"I hope you don't mind," Kurt directs at Burt and Carole. "I was planning we'd just stay in my room, try and keep the volume down."

Carole nods in acceptance, but Burt hesitates, eyes narrowing suspiciously. It takes a few seconds of awkward silence before Kurt gets it, lips forming an 'o' and winding up somewhere between blushing bright red and rolling his eyes. "God! Door open, dad, don't worry."

"Just make sure the boy knows I know how the breaks on his car work," Burt reminds him, Kurt sighs.

"He knows, Dad. You've only said it about fifty times."

Finn is currently doing his very best not to puke, and is mildly proud of himself when he manages to keep it to quietly gagging. Once he's recovered (without alerting anyone's attention; whoo-hoo), he has a question to ask. "When will he be here?"

"Uh, Friday? Didn't I just say that?"

"Know, I mean..." Finn takes a second. "What sort of timeframe?" _Can I avoid him and the mental breakdown that comes with him?_

"Er, well... We thought I'd just have him over, straight after school. I don't know when he'd leave; probably pretty late, when we got done with the movies. Still, you guys get along, right?"

Finn swallows the lump in his throat.

"Yeah."

* * *

He finds Rachel pretty quickly at school, and she beams when she sees him. "Hey," she says, leaning up (_way_ up) to give him a peck on the lips before he can think of a reason for her not to. "Where've you been? You've barely talked to me; I kind of thought you were avoiding me." Her tone is light and joking, but her eyes look sort of probing – crap, did he fuck up with her again?

"Wait, was I?" he asks. He doesn't think he's been avoiding her – consciously, anyway. But he guesses all that boyfriend-girlfriend stuff (the kissing and the touching and _everything_) has been getting hard to deal with, and maybe he has been avoiding her a little, just so he doesn't do anything suspicious. So she doesn't get hurt. "Crap. Sorry, I guess I've been... busy."

She shrugs. "It's okay, I understand."

_No, you don't!_ He wants to yell, but he doesn't. It's not her fault.

"Let me make it up to you," he says. "We should do something on Friday. Come over after school, and we'll just... go do whatever."

"What, exactly?"

"I don't know. That's the whole point," he insists, and she frowns.

"Do you mean directly after school? Because I told you, I have my class."

He can't help his face falling. "Oh," he says, and he knows he looks more upset right now that she should think he can be. Her face is somewhere between guilty and pissed off.

"Sorry, Finn. But... You _did_ remember about that class, right?"

"Oh, of course!" he insists, much too quickly. He didn't, but maybe he was just repressing it in his hope of not having to deal for a few hours. "I just... I don't know, I lack thought sometimes."

"Don't I know it," she teases, and he pouts. "Anyway, we can do something when I get back – around 6:30?"

"Okay," he says, trying not to sound too let down. He can't let her know the real reason he wanted to do it so much, and besides, he really should be happy about going out with her. He always was before.

Before...

"Can we still not know what we're doing?"

She laughs. "Okay. Did we ever know what we were doing?"

"Nah, not really."

* * *

So that's how he winds up pacing the corridors of the Hummel-Hudson house that Friday night, caught half-way between avoiding and eavesdropping on the talk and laughter that comes from Kurt's room. Finn doesn't want to hear it, but he can't help it, and he doesn't know why.

He checks the clock again – six o'clock. In half an hour, he can just get _out_ of here and pick up Rachel. Mom looked a little uncertain when he said he was taking his girlfriend to go do "we don't really know what" for "we don't really know how long", but after some convincing (aka. emotionally blackmailing her over the fact Burt was letting Kurt have his boyfriend in his bedroom all night, even though saying it made Finn feel sick) she agreed. He was awesome like that.

Finn taps his fingers on the wall, fidgety. He feels like he ought to be doing something right now (punching Sam's face in, for example) and he's not, and it really sucks.

Out of the corner of his eye, Finn sees Sam press a kiss to the top of Kurt's head – Kurt lightly reprimands him not to get saliva in his hair – and he clenches a fist.

It's 6:07 when Burt walks in, looking at Finn oddly. "Finn? Why are you standing around in the corridor?"

"What?" he responds, panicking and yelling. Sam and Kurt look up curiously from their place on the bed. "Oh, uh, nothing. I was just going to get, uh, food. From the kitchen."

"Kitchen's that way, son," Burt points in the opposite direction to Finn's facing. "And you were standing still."

"Uh..." Finn is lacking an excuse for that. "This house is big... I got lost."

Hey, he's dumb enough. Not like it hasn't happened before.

From inside, Sam smirks. "Protective big brother, huh?" he asks, and Finn can only stand there staring. "It's okay. I promise not to infringe upon his virtue."

And then Finn doubles over, coughing and wheezing, struck by the image of what could happen – Kurt, drugged and helpless, a roofied little bitch for Sam to spread and use any way he likes. With sudden clarity, Finn realizes that's an actual risk – he had been to stupid and selfish to realize it, but why wouldn't Sam hurt Kurt like that? The thought makes Finn want to throw up.

By the time he recovers, they are all staring at him, looking somewhere between concerned and pissed. "I have to..." he stammers out weakly, trying to regain his breath. "I have to... go."

And he runs out with twenty minutes to kill.


	5. Good People, Bad People

**5: Good People, Bad People**

They share pizza and silence across the small table.

Finn keeps his hands to his side of the table, trying to make them not shake when he thinks of the sight he saw before – Sam's arm wrapped around Kurt, holding him close and tight enough to suffocate; Kurt wouldn't have any chance of escaping if Sam decided to–

Again, he's trying not to think about it.

Rachel isn't doing the same as him; she keeps reaching over the table to grab more pizza, to talk to him, to try and hold his hand – whatever. It's getting on his nerves (or, more accurately, making his nerves perform a full-blown song and dance number). He can't help but recoil, which isn't fair, because this isn't _her_ fault. And he so shouldn't be letting it get to him like this.

"For a date where the entire point was spontaneity, we haven't done much," she says.

"I know. I'm just... tired," he says. She shrugs.

"It's okay."

He looks down at his pizza. He's really not hungry right now.

She reaches across the table, _again_. She's trying to hold his hand. "I mean, it's not like–"

"Do you mind?"

She looks shocked. Shocked and hurt. He soon realizes what he just said and feels like the biggest piece of shit _ever_.

"Sorry," he says. "I shouldn't have..."

"It's okay," she sniff. "I'd prefer you be a little more tactful, but if you don't want physical contact, you have the right to be clear about that."

He bites his lip and hides his hand under the table, balling a fist.

He's not sure how clear he was about that, all and all. However, he was drugged, so you can't really blame him.

* * *

He doesn't time his arrival back home so well, because Sam is just preparing to go when he gets there, and they are alone in the hall together.

"Finn, hey," Sam says casually. Finn shuts the door behind him.

"Hey."

He wants to run away right now, but his feet remain frozen.

"How'd your date go?" Sam asks.

"Badly. I kind of acted like a dick to her all night," Finn says. It's almost like he expects Sam to feel guilty.

Sam sighs and looks at him. "Well, sucks to be you. You know..." Sam raises a hand and gently traces Finn's jaw with his palm; Finn's blood runs cold and he looks away, something pricking at the back of his eyes. This can't be happening again.

"...You could probably do better."

And with that, Sam drops it; he takes his stuff and walks out. Finn wants to break down crying; he wants to scream and wail and tear into the carpet.

He doesn't. He goes up to his room, tries his best not to see Kurt on the way there, and tries his best not to sob _too_ loudly into his pillow.

* * *

The next Monday he realizes what's happening. It's at football practice, and he's not paying attention. He's more dedicated to avoiding Sam's eyes than anything to do with the sport.

"Hudson, pay attention!" Coach Tanaka bellows, snapping Finn back to reality. Shit. "You off in la-la land? Maybe choreographing your next dances, huh?"

"Sorry, Coach Tanaka–"

"Don't sorry me! I need you aware and understanding what's going on, else this whole team falls apart."

"Well then maybe next time _you_ can be aware and understanding of the fact your girlfriend's got nothing for you and is pining over my Spanish teacher _before_ you two make it to the aisle?"

The guys look at each other in shock. _Holy crap, did someone really say that?_

_Did _Finn_ really say that?_

Finn immediately regrets it. That was douchey, not to mention kind of irrelevant. Tanaka's just about red.

"See me afterwards, Hudson," he says, and Finn nods. He's not thinking about that again. He dares to raise his head and meet Sam's eyes for the first time all practice, and he sees how Sam looks. Not confused like the rest of the guys, but not entirely like he gets it either. Finn grabs onto the bench and breathes heavily, trying not to freak out.

He suddenly realizes he's turning into a total dick.

* * *

Tanaka's rant was just the usual shit – respect for authority and all that. He used to hear it all the time when he was hanging around Puck. Tananka didn't punish him any further, though, and that made Finn worried – it seems like what he had said really hurt.

He's walking out to wallow some for when he finds himself approached by someone.

No. Not some. Sam.

_Fuck_.

"What the hell was that about?" he asks, sounding genuinely mad. "I know you have your issues, Finn, but even you've got to be smart enough to know taking it out on our coach because you were off with the fairies, _and_ bringing up that whole thing with Ms. Pilsbury, was pretty much asshole of the year material."

Finn swallows hard. Well, he'll admit he's a bit impressed with the guy's guts. "Really? Well, I guess you'd be the judge of what..." He means for it to come out confident and defiant, but he trails off near the end, thinking of the things he really doesn't want to.

Sam rolls his eyes. "Are you still worked up about that? It was two weeks ago. Get over it."

"You _raped me_," he says. The words sound ugly. Sam makes a 'who cares' gesture.

"I know, and I said I was sorry, and you said you were cool with it, so what is your problem?"

Finn looks away, not sure if what Sam says hurts him more than it confuses him or vice versa. _No-one_ thinks of things like that that casually, right? "I lied," he says.

"Figures."

Finn sighs. "Look, you... Kurt's like, my stepbrother now. And he was my friend before that. You... you make him happy. In think having a boyfriend in general makes him happy. I'm not going to wreck that for him if I can avoid it. But... you're not going to... do something, to him?"

Sam looks offended. "Kurt is my boyfriend. I wouldn't do that to him."

Finn nods. He believes it, even if he probably shouldn't. "Okay, good. Then I'll leave you guys alone. You said 'get over it'? I'm _trying_."

He walks off before Sam can say anything more.

He's pretty sure he's not the good guy right now.


	6. Reprise

**6: Reprise**

Everything cools off pretty quickly. The next Tuesday, he's eating lunch with Rachel (and managing to hold her hand under the table without flinching, although he hopes she doesn't notice how sweaty his palms are) when Kurt and Sam approach.

"Hey," says Sam. "Mind if we sit here?"

Finn can only gape up at him.

Rachel says "Sure," before Finn can intervene.

Not that he really _could_, even if he had time, because he really doesn't have any excuse and he's been enough of a dick so far.

Sam and Kurt sit down and Finn can't help but pull his hand from Rachel's. She looks a little unsettled, but then settles for narrowing her eyes suspiciously at Kurt. Finn knows she still doesn't trust him, and generally they do not get on. He's complained about that many times in the past, and vaguely remembers an epic plan to lock them in a room a la any cheesy sitcom to rassle it out and work out their differences, find a new understanding of one another, insert inspirational music here.

_I just say, thank god me and him are the gay couple, because otherwise I would be quite worried about the effect locking him in a room with a girl he's always fighting with would have._

With a sudden lurch of his stomach, Finn remembers it was _Sam_ he plotted that epic plan with.

He is so screwed.

"So," says Sam, absentmindedly picking a piece of lettuce off Kurt's plate, "what wonder of the lovebirds did we interrupt?"

_You could do better._

Even if he wasn't a psycho rapist he'd be a two-faced bastard.

"Oh. Nothing much," says Rachel. "Just making small talk. Aka he knows about nothing I bring up, so the conversation kind of withers and dies."

"To be fair, _I_ know nothing you bring up," says Sam. "I don't really know half of what Kurt talks about either. Think we should switch boyfriends?"

Finn quickly starts choking on his bite of apple and his own tongue. It's quiet enough, and over quick enough that no-one really notices, but still, ow. Kurt distracts them all by blurting out:

"Don't you dare."

Rachel narrows her eyes further. Sam just chuckles. "Is that a compliment to me or an insult to her?"

"Can it be both?" says Kurt. "I love you, you know that, and that's the major thing. But I refuse to be seen with anyone possessing her dress sense."

Rachel's got that squinty look in her eyes that means she's about to go on one of her trademark Rachel Berry is Offended rants, when Sam steps in.

"Well, so much for me overcoming that lagging insecurity when it comes to the importance of my sense of dress," he says. "And seriously, can you at least _try_ to avoid insulting her? She's like, three feet away, for God's sakes. And there must be better things to insult her for anyway; she actually looks quite cute, the way she dresses."

Finn protectively grabs Rachel's hand under the table again. She's confused, but returns the grasp.

Kurt's suitably chastened. "Sorry. Sorry, Rachel."

"It's okay," she says.

"Good. You two play nice now," Sam says. Kurt rolls his eyes.

"Yes, daddy."

Sam laughs. "Okay. Now don't make me spank you."

Finn does his best not to choke and/or gag again. He barely manages it, and squeezes Rachel's hand a lot tighter. "You know," he eventually forces out, "I'm so telling your actual dad about this conversation."

Rachel and Sam laugh, while Kurt turns bright red. "Don't you _dare_," he warns.

The conversation continues a bit, but Rachel winces, and leans over to whisper something in Finn's ear.

"Finn, you're cutting off my circulation."

He lets go.

"So," says Sam. "Nay to the boyfriend swap idea, then?"

"Nay," says Rachel. "I like being alive."

"I'm so going to act like a jealous freak from this point on," grumbles Kurt, and Sam smirks.

"Freak in what sense of the word?"

Kurt slaps him on the arm, but they're smiling, and then Sam is pulling him in to kiss him – oh God – Finn wants to stop it; wants to punch Sam in the face, and tell him to go away and never come back; he wants to make things better, but he can't do anything but watch as his Kurt comes closer and closer to colliding with this bastard; that smirk still playing at the corner of Sam's mouth and all for _Finn_–

"I need to go," Finn blurts out.

Kurt and Sam pull away from each other. "What?"

Rachel just looks confused.

"Finn?"

"I need..." he stands up, trying to regain his breath. "I need to go."

He does so.

* * *

"Hey!"

It's the end of lunch, and he turns to see Rachel running to catch up with him. He inwardly groans, and hopes she won't ask questions.

No such luck. "Are you okay?" she asks. "That was a pretty hasty, dramatic exit you made earlier. Made me thing something was wrong?"

Finn frowns in confusion. "Hasty means 'fast', right?"

She nods. "Yeah," she says. "Anyway..."

Finn's left without an excuse. "I, uh..."

_Think, man, think!_

"...had a... thing."

"A thing."

"A thing."

"What kind of a thing?" Rachel asks.

"A thing thing!" he yells. "You know, maybe you shouldn't ask so many questions, and this relationship might work for once!"

Shit.

He didn't mean to say that.

He did not mean to say that.

Her eyes are wide and offended, but hurt, glistening with tears and she's about to–

"You don't think this relationship works?" she asks. "I always kind of thought it did. Since the end of last year, anyway."

"Rachel, I didn't–"

"But, I guess, if you don't think so," she pauses and inhales, "there's no point to sailing a sunken ship, is there?"

"I – is that some crazy showchoir expression? – anyway, I didn't mean to say that, Rach. I just... I'm under a load of crap right now, but I didn't mean to say that. Of _course_ this relationship works, and I–

_I can't lose you too,_ he thinks.

Rachel sniffs. "I don't believe you," she says.

Then she runs off, leaving Finn feeling like the biggest piece of shit who ever lived.

"Rachel!"

* * *

When Kurt gets home, Finn closes his eyes and does his best not to think he's there. He so isn't ready to deal with Kurt right now. This is part his fault anyway.

(No, that's not fair, but Finn's got to have earned a little irrationality by now, right?)

"Hey. Finn?"

"Hey," Finn grumbles in response, opening his eyes. Kurt frowns and comes to sit by him on the couch.

"You okay?"

"Fine. Now leave me alone," says Finn. He so doesn't want to have this talk.

Kurt raises an eyebrow. "I don't believe you."

Finn flinches.

"What's going on, Finn?"

Finn sighs. He can't even begin to get into the full story, so he says what he can and hopes it will get Kurt off his back. "I think Rachel and I broke up."

"What?" asks Kurt. "Why?"

"I said something dumb... and mean. And now she's like, so pissed at me."

"Oh," says Kurt. "Pity. I thought you two were happy together."

Finn shrugs.

_So did she, apparently._

"So... you wouldn't be okay with my boyfriend hanging around a bit more than often for the next few days, would you? It's just, his parents are out of town so..."

Kurt's got that hopeful look on his face; the one that tells Finn he's relying on the idea that Finn will feel too guilty about interfering with someone else's relationship due to his own issues that he'll say he's fine with it. And that... fills Finn was a sort of inexplicable rage.

"Actually, how about _no_?" he snaps. "Actually, how about we just stop having your fucking boyfriend here so much, huh? He practically fucking lives here! Have you ever thought that maybe we don't all want him around; that maybe, it's a little uncomfortable to always have to see you two about five seconds from tearing each others clothes off?"

"Finn–"

"I mean, I know this might be hard for your hairspray-addled brain to contemplate, but the world does not revolve around you. This house does not revolve around you. We all live here, so I don't see why you're the one who can't keep it together long enough to–"

"HEY," there's a loud below, and Finn sees Burt walking in. _Shit_. "What in the hell is going on here?"

"I – I," Finn stutters.

"Don't worry about it, dad," says Kurt. "I was being really insensitive, and Finn just kind of snapped."

Burt looks disbelieving.

"Rachel and Finn just broke up. I was asking to have my boyfriend over. Again," Kurt punctuates that last bit with a quirk of the corner of him mouth, and Burt exhales deeply.

"Fine," he says. "But I'm watching you, kid," and he pokes Finn in the chest for emphasis. Then he's gone and Finn and Kurt are just left staring at each other.

"Dude–"

"Don't ," says Kurt. He gives Finn one last, withering glare, and then he goes.

Finn groans. He's totally pissed off and fucked over his girlfriend and his sort-of stepbrother, two of the people he cares the most about.

_Again_.


	7. The Patriarchy

**7: The Patriarchy**

Finn's still really trying – it's hard. Rachel still won't talk to him, and that makes Glee awkward to say the least. He can't help but feel she's kind of overreacting to one tiny comment he made, but he doesn't _want_ to think that, because what right does he have to judge her? Won't do him any favors.

Anyway, he's settled in his usual routine – school, Glee, football. He knows he's acting weird, and feels bad about it, but doesn't have any real control over it. He's distant and distracted in class, but he always did so badly anyway that no-one really notices the difference (which is a bit upsetting, because he used to _try_). People don't talk to him much in Glee right now, which is funny, because none of them seem to like Rachel much either – however, he does kind of keep flipping his shit at them, so that might explain it.

As for football... well, it's a three-or-more times a week requirement to be half-naked with his _fucking rapist_. Does he really need to explain why that sucks?

Speaking of which, he's at football practice. Which sucks.

Sam has talked to him less since the whole debacle that led to the Rachel break-up; whether out of fear that Finn will reveal what happened, or irritation about his behavior, or because Kurt told him about his other outburst (which could have aspects of both), Finn doesn't know. He doesn't care all that much, because hey, whatever keeps Sam away from him is good in his book.

Well except for the bit where Rachel's pissed at him and he has no idea how to make it better, and Kurt just eyes him with wariness and slight distrust. Those bits suck.

"Dude?" Someone taps him on the shoulder, and Finn stands up.

It's Sam.

So he stands up straighter.

"Do you know what's going on with Kurt? He's been... kind of distant lately," says Sam. The rest of the guys roll their eyes, and Finn tries to block out the murmurs of 'fags', because he really does not need to hear the implications from that plural. "I was just wondering... if he'd said anything..."

Finn shakes his head and grits his teeth. "Nah," it comes out quiet and pathetic, so he tries again. "No."

Sam shrugs. "Really? Because your the one who lives with him. Even if he hasn't told you exactly what's going on, wouldn't you have picked up something? Like, even if he's acting this way around everyone or just to–"

"I don't know anything, okay?" yells Finn. "Will you leave me alone?"

He roughly shoves Sam, who stumbles, but doesn't fall. Finn snatches his hands back, and tries to resist the odd sensation that makes them feel like they're burning. _Don't be stupid_.

Everyone stares. Sam seems more than a little taken aback. "I was just asking. Take a chill pill, man."

Finn inhales and does his best not to cry. He is so fucking sick of this.

"You got a problem, Hudson?"

Finn looks and realizes that came from Coach Tanaka. Fuck. He so doesn't need to get shit from him too.

"No, I just..." Finn trails off when he realizes he doesn't actually have an excuse. "Whatever."

He can't help but look down at Sam – like, really look. He's not really scary looking. Finn wouldn't have to put much force in to knock him over – mostly because Finn is like, six foot five, but that's kind of his point. Sam doesn't look scary. He looks like a nice, normal guy, and a neat beat-down of the idea all gays are alike and whatever (not that Kurt isn't awesome himself). Sam doesn't look like he could hurt Finn – honestly, he reckons if anyone'd even think about it they'd be worried about it happening the other way around – so why did it happen? Why couldn't Finn defend himself? Why was he so pathetic he just _let_ it happen?

Okay, drugged. But why was he stupid enough to _drink_ the damn beer anyway?

He just wishes he could have stopped it, okay?

Finn comes back to reality, and Tanaka is still staring at him.

"Fine," his coach grumbles. "All of you, out on the field!"

* * *

Ken Tanaka's a decent guy.

Maybe he's not perfect, but he's not going to look at the fact his quarterback's clearly facing a complete nervous breakdown and think _what the hell, doesn't matter to me_. The kid is sixteen, for christ's sake, Ken'd get fired if he did nothing about it. Well, not really, because McKinley High isn't so great with things light that. But it's the principle of the thing.

However, Ken Tanaka's also a guy who knows his flaws.

Namely, he's not so great at the compassionate sensitive guy act. And he has no fucking clue what's going on at Finn Hudson, nor any idea what to do about it. Plus, he's still kind of pissed at the kid because he keeps fucking up practices and he brought up the Emma thing. So trying to deal with it himself would probably not end well for anyone.

So Ken's got a different plan.

He's just really not looking forward to it.

"Hey? Will?"

Said guy looks pretty confused about Ken showing up. And they're off to a bad start, folks.

"Ken? What is it?"

Ken sighs. "It's about one of your Glee kids. Hudson. I don't see him much except for practice, but... he's been acting pretty weird for the last couple of weeks. Almost started a fight yesterday because Sam Evans dared to ask about the Kurt thing, and Finn's always been pretty okay with that thing, so..." he trails off. "Plus, he just keeps insulting everybody and acting jumpy. It's not like the kid. Look, I'm no good at this stuff, Will. I think the last student I tried to advise wound up flogging his pinky toes as pieces of new age art. I know you and Hudson are... close, so maybe you could talk to him about whatever's going on?"

Will nods thoughtfully. "Okay. I had noticed that; he has been acting strangely for a while – I kept meaning to talk to him about it, but stalling. But I'll do it. We owe him that."

Ken nods. "Alright. You figure this out, because I need my quarterback back."

"Duly noted."

* * *

"Finn? Could you stay back for a second?"

Finn looks worried, and Kurt flashes him a look as he pauses in the doorway. "It's cool," says Finn. "I'll see you at home, dude."

Kurt nods, looking a little bit relieved, even. Then he's gone with the rest of the kids; it's just Finn and Will and Will really doesn't know what to say.

"So, Mr. Schue," says Finn, and Will can help but notice how he slides his hands in his pockets and slouches down like he's trying to seem shorter. Like he's trying to be less visible. "What's this about?"

Will sighs and walks a little closer to the boy. Finn shuffles away slightly, and it furthers Will's concerned frown. "This is... people are worried about you, Finn," he says, and Finn just looks confused. "You've been acting... strangely, for a few weeks. I've noticed how moody and withdrawn you've been acting. Rachel's often complained about the circumstances that led to your break up... Coach Tanaka came to see me yesterday, Finn. You almost started a fight with Sam for little to no reason. Apparently you've been acting out at football practices a lot."

Finn looks away from him. "So what?" he asks, voice flat. "You wanna scold me?"

Will shakes his head. "No, Finn, like I said. I'm worried about you."

"How nice," Finn murmurs.

"Finn–"

Will lays a comforting hand on his arm, but Finn jumps away.

"Don't touch me!"

Will briefly thanks god that they're having this conversation in private, and no-one can get bad ideas from that. Then that train of thought starts creeping him out, so he cuts it off.

"Okay," he says. Finn's finally looking at him. "Finn... did something happen? Something that's making you act this way?"

Finn just stares for a few seconds. The awkward silence hangs between them, well, _awkwardly_.

"I..." he trails off. "No. I'm sorry, Mr. Schue... but I'm fine. I'm okay."

Will sighs.

"Really," Finn insists. "Well, uh, maybe I'm not _fine_... I've just been stressed and crap, you know? And the Rachel thing... it's been getting to me. Especially with Kurt and Sam always being around, and like, in love... so when Sam was asking me about him, I guess I just kinda snapped?"

He sounds on the edge of tears by the end of his speech, and Will can only stare at him for a few seconds.

"I..." Will's never heard a conversation with so many pauses and awkward silences. "Okay."

Finn nods slowly. He buries his hands further in his pockets. "So... can I go home now?"

Will bites his lip. "Alright," he says.

Finn nods. "Cool."

Then he leaves.

Will doesn't buy any of that crap about him being okay, but he really doesn't know what to do.


	8. He Had it Coming

**8: He Had it Coming**

"Dad, don't be ridiculous. I don't understand why you feel the need to do this; you two have already met, so..."

"It's not a _big_ thing, Kurt; I'd just feel weird if we didn't have any kind of official version thing..."

Finn's confused, and walks upstairs to where Burt and Kurt are talking. "Hey? What's going on?"

"Where having Kurt's boyfriend over for dinner," Burt says before Kurt can get a word in.

Finn's stomach starts rolling. "We... are? Why?"

"Because," says Burt. Finn flinches. "I don't see why we shouldn't."

Finn tries to look at Kurt, but he avoids Finn's eyes. "...Okay," Finn eventually says. _Breathe Hudson. Breathe._

"Fine. If you're all decided," Kurt grumbles. Finn is suddenly filled with a burst of fear – _Oh god, what if he doesn't want Sam over because–_

"Alright," says Burt. "You boys be okay, yeah?"

He walks out, and Kurt and Finn are left alone. Kurt sends Finn some look Finn doesn't understand, and Finn stares down at the floor to avoid it.

* * *

Sam arrives at six, and Kurt opens the door for him.

"Hey," he says, smiling softly.

"Hey."

Then Sam leans down to kiss him, just for a second. Finn grips onto a vase to make sure he doesn't have another outburst. He can't help but notice Kurt flashes him a worried look, and Finn grips the vase tighter. _What does that mean?_

They pull away from one another, and Finn can let go. His hand was starting to hurt.

"Finn, hi," Sam walks up to Finn. "So, does this seem majorly awkward to you?"

"I – I – _words. Words make sentences. _"Yeah," he eventuallysays feebly. There's an uncomfortable pause.

"Well, you people better have food," Sam says. Kurt smiles at him. Finn does his best not to be sick.

* * *

Dinner isn't really less awkward than the introductions were; Kurt doesn't say much, their parents ask too many questions, Sam seems generally uncomfortable, and Finn just tries to pretend he's not there.

It _sucks_.

"So, have you, uh, starting the season yet?" Mom asks uncomfortably.

"Not yet. Our first game's in a week," Sam informs her.

"I _told_ you that," Finn points out. His mom glares at him.

"It's called small talk, sweetie."

"Sorry," Finn mutters. Under the table, he sees Sam reaching to grab Kurt's hand. Kurt looks anxious, and flashes Finn a _look_ before returning the gesture. Finn hand to hold onto the table ledge to keep himself under control. Burt glares at him then, and Finn can't shake the feeling that there's something he doesn't know.

Which is funny, because he knows stuff none of the rest of them do.

"Anyway," says Sam, "Can we just admit this was a terrible idea and this is horribly awkward and I shouldn't be here?"

Everyone except Finn laughs. "True," says Mom. "Sorry about this. Not my idea."

Sam looks at Burt for an explanation. "Just thought it might be a good idea," he says.

"You were wrong," Kurt points out snidely. "I told you so. Didn't we tell him, Finn?"

"What?" Finn's surprised. Sam raises an eyebrow at him. "Oh... yeah."

He pokes at his meat uncomfortably. He's so not hungry.

Sam nods. "Alright then," he says, "I'm still not just leaving."

"Why not?" Finn blurts out before he can stop himself.

Everyone stares. Sam looks taken aback. "Why _should _I?" he asks. He sounds genuine.

"I... nevermind," Finn says, and he returns to stabbing his beef with his fork. There's yet another awkward silence.

"You know what? To hell with dinner. Can we just go watch TV like normal people?" Burt suggests. There is murmured agreement.

"I'm not finished," Finn points out.

"Well, no offense, but we'll probably be here until February if we wait for _you_ to finish," Sam says. "You've ate about two grams so far."

Finn grimaces. That is so unfair. "Unlike you, obviously," he grumbles. He doesn't even know what he's saying now; he wants to say something, _anything_ that will get to the guy.

"Well, uh," Sam indicates his plate, which shows he _has_ eaten a lot more than Finn. _Well, duh._

Finn smirks at him, even though he wants to be sick. "Of course. You like eating meat; that's no surprise."

"Finn!"

Kurt looks aghast, and Finn stares at him, suddenly realizing what he just said. _Shit._ That wasn't just a pointless attack on Sam because he wanted to attack Sam; that was all kinds of homophobic and douchey, and Kurt will be really hurt. Plus, Burt is going to kill him.

Speaking of which, Burt is glaring at him now. "Finn," he says, "Mind giving me a hand setting up the other TV?"

Finn doesn't know what he's on about, but he obeys anyway – he feels dread settle in his stomach. Burt walks with him until they come to a door, and Finn's suddenly pressed against it with Burt in his face.

"What in the hell is wrong with you?" he asks. "I thought you learned your lesson last year; I wouldn't have taken you back if you hadn't."

"I – I just–" he doesn't have an excuse, although that might have something to do with the fact having a guy this close in his personal space is scaring the _shit_ out of him.

"Don't you start," Burt warns him. "I don't know what you 'reason' for this is, and I don't care. Did you not guess how your little outburst had affected things; didn't you see that Kurt wasn't spending time with his own boyfriend anymore because he was so scared of how you'd react? That's why I had this dinner thing anyway; force them to talk to each other again, and make you just deal with it. Hell, that girl who dumped you – the Berrys' girl. Got a feeling that might not be a coincidence?"

Finn's head is swimming. He doesn't _understand._

"Look, Kurt is _happy_ with this guy, and that's all I need to know. I don't care what they get up to, and I won't let you attack them and make snide implications like they're doing something wrong," he rants. He breathes in deeply. "You know the thing about Kurt? He hasn't had it easy. People 'round this town, they don't _like_ the way he swings. Him being with this boy? It's one of the few times I've seen him _happy_ and _comfortable_ with who he is. And I'm not going to let any homophobic bastard ruin that for him – especially not you," Burt says.

Finn's on the edge of tears by the end of it. "I know," he says. _I agree,_ he means.

Burt sighs. "You go apologize to 'em. _Both_ of 'em."

Finn nods, even though he _so_ doesn't want to do that. "Okay," he says. "Please don't kick me out again."

"I won't," Burt says. "But watch yourself, kid."

Maybe if he'd done _that_, this wouldn't be happening in the first place.

* * *

"Kurt?"

Finn sees him lingering in the hallway, watching as Sam prepares to leave. "Is he going?"

"Well, _duh_," Kurt says. "What you said made everything too uncomfortable. He's leaving now."

Finn bites him lip. "Look man, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have–"

"I don't want to hear it, Finn," Kurt says, cutting him off.

"Wait, what?"

"I _don't want to hear it_," Kurt repeats. "You've made your feelings on this entire matter perfectly clear. You've been acting like this for weeks; like me and Sam being together is some kind of disgusting assault to you personally. You made your opinions on my 'faggy' décor well-known previously–"

"Dude, that was months ago!"

"That's not the point!" Kurt yells. "You don't approve. I know this. You've tried, and… it just didn't work," he says. He breathes in heavily. "The first time? It broke my heart. Now? I don't… I _cannot_ care anymore, Finn. Sam and I are happy together, and I don't care whether you like it or not. Just stay away from us, alright?"

Finn knows he needs to say _something, anything_ to change Kurt's mind. But there's nothing to say – the truth would only make things worse and Kurt would…

_He wouldn't believe you._

"Kurt, I–"

"Just stop, Finn," Kurt says. Then he smiles. "Oh, and for the record? _When_ we go that far – which isn't often, because I'm something of a prude – _I'm_ usually the one giving, okay?"

Finn gapes at that mental image. He can't help it. He doubles over, gagging and coughing and desperately trying not to throw up. Kurt laughs.

"Wow. Look at you. You can't even thing of the big gay sex without wanting to be sick. By the way, do not do it own these boots," Kurt steps away. He sighs. "It's hilarious that I ever thought I could… but that doesn't matter. I've made my point."

"Kurt, let it go," Sam calls from the hallway. Kurt looks surprised. Sam shoots a look back at Finn, who avoids his eyes. Then he's gone, and Kurt sighs.

"Good job talking and making things okay with him, Finn," he says.

Now Finn's confused. "Wait, what? You don't want me to talk and make things okay with _you_. And besides, what was I meant to say?"

Kurt glares at him. "You could have said 'sorry', at least."

Finn bites his lip and closes his eyes. He doesn't answer aloud.

_No I couldn't have._

* * *

He finds his mother still sitting at the dinner table. "Mom?"

"Finn, hey," she says. She doesn't sound angry like Burt or Kurt; she sounds… tired. Sad. Disappointed.

_Fuck._

He uncomfortably takes a seat across from her. "So… I'm really sorry, Mom."

She smiles at him. "I don't think 'm the one you need to apologize to, Finn."

He wants to cry. "Mom," he says, and his voice is breaking, "I screwed up, really bad, okay? I've been doing that for weeks. Don't ask me why; I _can't _tell you. I just… it all sucks, and I _really_ need my mom right now."

He looks down at the table when he's done. _Shit, what did I just say?_ He hears her get up, and walk over to his side of the table. Suddenly, she crouches down in front of him and wraps her arms around him. He returns the hug and winds up sobbing onto her shoulder.

But he doesn't explain, and she doesn't ask him to.


	9. Question and Answer

**9: Question and Answer**

After that, he becomes a bit more reclusive. Either everyone's mad at him for the Rachel thing, or they're mad at him for the Kurt-and-Sam thing, or they're worried they'll be the center of the next 'thing' (and yeah, Kurt told everyone about Finn's reemerging homophobia. Which is kind of his right, but it doesn't help much). It gives Finn entirely too much time to think, and thinking hurts nowadays. He wants out now.

The upside of all this is that Sam doesn't try to talk to him anymore – Finn's pretty sure that's just because he can act _not_ pissed about it without blowing his cover, but whatever. It's like that thing the Greeks did with the gifts in a horse's mouth.

So, surprisingly enough, he's not expecting it when Sam corners him in the boys' bathroom during his fifth period free.

"Sam," he says, hoping he doesn't sound as terrified as he feels. "What are you doing here? Don't you have class?"

Sam shakes his head. "No."

"I'm _sure _you have class," says Finn, eying the door over Sam's shoulder. It's not that far away, but Sam is between Finn and it, and he doesn't think he could escape without a struggle.

Sam shrugs. "Whatever. If I do, won't impact you greatly," he says. "Anyway, I thought I'd find you. Talk."

He's starting to walk closer, and Finn unwittingly backs away. "I don't want to talk to you," he says quickly, not bothering with any pretense. Who would he fool?

He remembers vaguely when he was trying to put this out of his mind, forget anything ever happened – even when dealing with Sam himself. Now he's just – wait, that couldn't have been more than a few weeks ago. Really? It feels like months. What the fuck happened to his sense of time?

Sam smirks, still edging closer. Finn does his best not to hyperventilate. "Doesn't surprise me. You feel guilty."

"..._What_?"

Sam walks even closer. "For what you said," he explains, like it's _obvious_. "Really. It was horribly offensive. I mean, not necessarily _inaccurate_, but... still. From the way you've treated Kurt in the past, I'd think you'd know better. Or, I don't know, care more or something."

Finn barely even understands what he's saying. He walks even further back, and doesn't notice he's about to collide with the shower wall until he backs into it, the taps smashing against his back, and he trips. Sam laughs at him as Finn realizes he's now helplessly on the floor, and starts to panic even more.

"Good job, Hudson," says Sam. "You really should have your own sitcom," he crouches down, and any comfort Finn could have taken in them being on an even level again is obliterated by the _serious_ invasion if personal space. "Seriously though, about that thing – don't you think you owe me?"

"_What_?" Finn crawls back further against the wall, and Sam sees some sort of cue to reach for Finn's shirt, lightly tugging at the fabric.

"Just saying. You were really a dick to me, don't you think I deserve... something?" he says it like it actually makes sense.

There are a whole bunch of things Finn should say to that, none of which he knows how to word. "Go away," he whimpers, biting his lip.

Sam rolls his eyes. "You really do hold a grudge, don't you?"

Finn feels like he's been punched in the gut. "Uh, yeah. That's irrational and surprising?" he's a little proud of himself for managing to sound angry and strong about it.

"It really would do everyone a lot of good if you'd just move on," Sam explains, shrugging. "Look, if you want to hear it, I'm sorry. I've already said that anyway," he sighs. "Yes, I went about this in a major douche way. But you don't need to... _hang on_ to it like this. It was just a bit of fun, you know?"

"You're _nuts_," Finn eventually says. "What the fuck is wrong with you? How did you come to the conclusion this is, in any way, 'fun'?"

"I am what I am," says Sam, and that's not an answer. "Look, let me show you something. I'm sorry I screwed you up, but it didn't have to be that bad. Really. Let me show you..."

Finn hits his hands away, gaping. "Stay away from me!" he shouts.

As if on a different cue, the door slams open. Sam's back on his feet and laughing casually so fast it makes Finn dizzy. "That would only happen to you, Hudson," he says, as if they just got transported into an entirely different conversation. He offers a hand out. "Come on, get back up."

Finn glares at him, and pointedly does not take the hand – he pushes himself off the floor with his own hands, thank you very much. It loses something of its effect when he bangs his head on the tap and Sam laughs at him again. "Ow!" yells Finn.

"You're bad at this," says Sam.

"Yeah," says a voice from behind them, and Finn checks over Sam's shoulder to realize it's Matt standing against the doorway. He isn't laughing along with Sam; he looks at them weirdly, and Finn guesses it's the same look he'd expect everyone to give if they saw Sam actually talking to him – the _why the fuck are you talking to him after what he said?_ look. It doesn't matter – it's a good thing people think like that; they don't get suspicious. "Sam, you're meant to be in History. Hales knew you were here today, so she sent me to look for you."

Sam looks confused. "Okay. Guess you were right after all," he says, turning around and walking out. "See ya."

Finn shakily takes a few steps forward, but winds up collapsing on the bench. Matt looks uncomfortable, and slowly walks next to him. "Man, you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he says. "Fell."

"Don't lie to me," Matt blurts out. "Dude, I did see... I mean, I should have come in sooner, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't just like, misinterpreting or something..."

_No. No this is not happening, _he thinks. "I don't know what you're talking about," he says, even though it's still a really shitty lie. "I just... fell."

There's an uncomfortable silence, and Finn just _prays_ Matt will buy it – or at least be smart enough to leave the damn thing alone. No such luck.

"Dude, I'm not stupid," says Matt. "What's going on? He did something to you, man."

Finn flinches and looks down. "It's nothing," he says. "Now leave it alone already."

"Stop it, you're freaking me out. Is this why you've been acting weird for ages; why you said that shit to him, or what happened with Rachel–"

"Shut the fuck up!" Finn screams. Matt's taken aback.

"Fine," he says. "But don't expect me to forget about this. If anything else, Kurt's got to know what he's dating."

He walks out, and Finn groans, burying his head in his hands. Everything's ruined now.

* * *

Matt storms into the Glee club, probably looking like Rachel. "Sam hurt Finn," he says. Everyone stares. "And yes, I can talk."

That doesn't make anyone seem any less confused. "Wait, what are you talking about?" asks Artie, speaking for everyone.

Matt sighs and looks at Kurt. "You're going to freak out at me about this; I know it," he says. "Look, we all know Finn's been a crazy bastard around him for awhile, and we put it down as a recurring streak of homophobia, right? Especially how he wound up split from his daughter-of-the-two-gay-dads girlfriend over it as well."

"So?" asks Rachel.

"Look, I just saw... God, I don't know how to put it. But I saw them in the bathroom, and from what I saw... Sam pretty clearly _not_ the good guy there."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asks quietly, and Matt bites his lip.

"Look, I had only got there after a while, but – Sam had pushed him to the floor or something, and Finn was _terrified_ of him, man. And Sam was like, _all_ over him and Finn was all 'don't touch me'. And if you watch any TV, you'll get suspicious 'bout _that_. Then they were going on about _something_ that happened awhile ago – Sam was talking like he'd done something sort of douchey, but Finn was overreacting, and Finn... he was a mess. He was scared, and angry, and sort of just trying to point out that whatever happened, he had _every right_ to be fucked up about it. So..."

Matt trails off, and stares at Kurt's shell-shocked face. "I don't believe you," Kurt whispers, and Matt groans.

"Dude, I know this sucks, but we need you. _Something happened_," he says. Kurt looks like he's about to break into tears.

"It makes too much sense," mutters Mr. Schue, making everyone stare at him. "He got distant, moody, withdrawn... and almost constantly terrified. I tried to talk to him, but he brushed me off."

"He didn't want me to touch him," Rachel adds, making everyone stare. "I mean, before we broke up – any physical contact, even hand-holding and kissing and the like, he'd pull away. I was worried, but I thought it was about me somehow... honestly, given how his lashing out always seemed to be about Sam somehow, and combining it all..." she looks back at Kurt uncomfortably. "...Sexual assault of some kind would be my first guess."

Everyone stares at one another, looking faintly sick. _How did we not notice this?_ Kurt looks like his brain is coming to pieces in his head. The uncomfortable silence is broken by the sound of a chair being slammed over.

"Mr. Schue?" asks Santana, calling attention to the fact it was their teacher who just did that (Matt was sort of worried that Finn had overheard their conversation). Schue fumes at the chair for a few more moments before he looks back up at them. "Uh, sorry guys. I just... _fuck_. I'm a teacher. It's my job to help students, and I couldn't figure out what was going on? For that matter, why didn't I see there was something wrong with Sam in the first place?"

"Mr. Schuester, stop," says Rachel. "I understand you are going to find ways to feel responsible for these events, and how much pain Finn has been in. We all will; I know I sure am right now. But it's _not_ our fault – responsibility for rape lies solely with the rapist, and we need to know that – because, from what I've seen of Finn's reaction, he's going to need us to tell him that."

Everyone shares strange looks. "So... what do we do?" asks Tina, and Rachel sighs.

"First, we wait. We need to talk to Finn first, and I'll just hope he comes here–"

"I wouldn't put money on it; he was pretty pissed when I was trying to ask what was going on."

"Then we'll find another way," says Rachel. "Hopefully, he'll appear, if only for fear of seeming suspicious. Firstly, we need to find out if we are _correct_ in what we believe about the situation – and if so, it would be wrong of us to take any kind of action without knowing what Finn wants."

Everyone nods like this makes a lot of sense. Kurt looks like he's about to cry, but he mutters "Okay."


	10. The Thorns

**Author's Notes:** GUYS, GUYS. I DID IT. I mean, I _barely_ did it - by one day, from _my_ perspective, which will be worse in the US - but still: I managed to finish this before season 2 starts and totally josses it. UP HIGH.

* * *

**10: The Thorns**

When Finn enters the Glee club room, he finds they're all staring at him. It makes him nervous, but he thinks it might not be so bad – when everyone's pissed at you. "Uh, hey," he says. They don't respond. "Okay, why are we all just _staring_? 'Cause, uh, I know you're pissed but did I grow an extra head or something because you're all looking like–"

"Finn, stop," Matt cuts them off. "I told them. They _know_, or at least know as much as I do."

"Finn, it's okay," Rachel says, slowly standing up. "Really; we just want to help–"

"No," says Finn, shaking his head furiously. _This isn't happening. This _can't_ be happening_. "Look, he's _lying_ to you!"

"Why would I lie?" Matt asks.

"I don't know, because you're pissed at me like everyone else is and making something up to fuck my life up further! Guys, I swear, nothing's going on; Sam never came anywhere near me–"

"If it's a lie, how do you know what we're even talking about?" asks Kurt, voice sounding scratchy and broken. His eyes are red like he's been crying, or at least trying really hard not to. "How would you know it has anything to do with Sam?"

Finn doesn't have an answer to that.

"I – I just–" he stumbles on his words as he stumbles forward. Suddenly, he gets mad – "You son of a bitch!"

He aims a punch at Matt's head, who is so surprised he just manages to duck in time. Mr. Schuester pulls him back, and Finn immediately breaks away from the physical contact, shuddering. Schue lets him go, and Finn doesn't have the energy to try hitting Matt again. The rest of the club just _stares_.

"I – They weren't meant to–" Finn doesn't know what he's saying, and looks up at the club imploringly. "You _needed_ him to be the good guy. He _was_ the good guy, before I..." Kurt flinches, and it makes Finn feels even worse.

"...I'm so sorry," he concludes, unwillingly letting out a sob.

"Finn," says Kurt, standing up and his voice shaking. "Tell us what _happened_."

Finn looks down, and Kurt slowly steps toward him. Finn's still looking down when Kurt is standing in front of him, and pulls his head up with one hand. Finn flinches a little, but Kurt doesn't leave. Their eyes meet.

"He hurt you, didn't he?" asks Kurt. Finn vaguely feels like he's being treated like a kid; in a 'show us where he touched you on the doll' way. "No, scratch that. He _raped_ you."

Finn's shoulders slump in despair, and he can only nod helplessly. Kurt squeezes his eyes shut in anguish, and Finn's guilt comes back again.

"I'm _so_ sorry," he repeats. "He meant so much to you, and I didn't want to fuck everything up, because you were _happy_ for once and I owed you after everything, and I _knew_, if I went around yelling about the other gay boy r... doing _that_ to me, it would start some kind of fucking crusade in this town about keeping the poor straight boys safe, and that would be so unfair because _you_ didn't do anything wrong; you'd never do something like that, and I read somewhere that the majority of guys who rape other guys identify as straight anyway. So they'd totally fuck over your life, and Rachel's life too, 'cause of her dads; and basically everyone I care about would be screwed and I couldn't let–"

"Finn, _stop_," Kurt cries, on the edge of tears. "Dear Lord... you were trying to _protect_ us. Finn... that was _never_ your responsibility."

"I just... I wanted everyone to be happy," Finn concludes. Kurt sighs deeply at him.

"Come here."

With that, Kurt pulls him into a hug and Finn gives in, sobbing and burying his head into Kurt's neck. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the majority of the club looking like they want to be sick, and Rachel biting her lip.

And that's when the door swings open.

"Um, hey. So, you texted me and asked me to come here, and I don't know why, but I generally enjoy your music stuff and I try to be a good boyfriend so I thought I should–"

Sam's explanation is cut short by Rachel immediately storming right up to him and punching him square in the face.

"Son of a _bitch_!" she screams, shocking everyone who thought Rachel Berry had artificial preventions from swearing. "What the hell is he doing here?"

Finn's pulled away from Kurt at this point, and Kurt takes it on himself to explain. "I did. He's correct; I texted him," he says. Rachel gapes. "I wanted to hear what he had to say for himself."

Rachel seems to accept this, instead turning to glare at Sam some more. Then she punches him again. It doesn't have the same impact as it did the first time, and Rachel is small and doesn't do much damage without the power of surprise, but it pisses Sam off.

"Ow! Okay, what's going on? Why does she keep doing that?"

"Because Berry's a little girl, and she can hit you as hard as she likes without accidentally taking it to federal offense levels just by the power of being _fucking pissed_," Puck says, punching his hand threateningly. "We _know_, you bastard."

Sam seems confused. "Wait, what?"

"Do _not_ play dumb," says Matt. "I _saw_, you asshole. I figured it out. I told them all; we know exactly what you did to him."

Sam gets the 'oh shit' look across his face for a second, but covers it up brilliantly – if they didn't already know, no-one would notice. "Okay, I am _seriously_ needing an explanation here. Would someone just tell me–"

Rachel cuts him off by punching him _again_. She takes Sam by surprise again, and he stumbles backwards. Finn's starting to notice he has the best (ex? He doesn't really know now) girlfriend ever. "Alright, if you _insist_ on an explanation. You are a perverted _rapist_. We know what you did to Finn now, as well as knowing what has motivated his recent behavior. Not only are we horrified by your crime, but your callousness in isolating a target who would feel the _least_ able to report you and bring you to justice is astounding. Finn Hudson is _one of us_; he's _my_ boyfriend, and every single one of us would fight to death for his sake. And that, my dear Sam, is why I will keep punching you as long as I can possibly get away with it."

She finishes it off with another blow, and Sam grips his nose. It looks like bruises are starting to form. "Okay, this is insane," he says. "It's ridiculous. I would never – come on, you see the way Finn's acted around us for a while. You really think he wouldn't lie to you out of his own prejudice, just to fuck me over?"

"Er, Finn didn't _tell_ us," Artie points out. "Were you paying attention? _Matt_ saw what you were pulling and told us about it. Finn was trying pretty hard to deny what just happened before you came in, then he had something of a breakdown and Kurt hugged him, so he confirmed it for us."

"You _suck_," Brittany blurts out, glaring as hard as she possibly can.

"Oh, why is it such a big deal?" Sam yells. Everyone stares. "Seriously. Okay, I'm sorry. I was horny, he was there. You're taking this _way_ more seriously than you need to."

"You _drugged_ me!" Finn yells. "If that was an excuse – _which it's not_, by the way – you can't just claim it was something you did on impulse. If you had the drugs, it meant you were planning on doing this to someone, even if it wasn't me."

He can't help but feel like some kind of weight has been lifted.

"I think the general conclusion is he's completely insane, not to mention psychopathic," says Rachel.

"Yeah. And seriously, if you don't think this is a big deal..." Finn trails off, holding back tears, "...you might wanna adjust. Pay more attention to stuff. I might think you'd be a bad boyfriend to Kurt or something."

Sam rolls his eyes. "And as I expected, you're entirely overdramatic. And you've roped everyone else in it with you," he says. "Hate to bring this up, but what are you going to do about it? You've got no physical evidence; you'd be too preoccupied with denial and protecting everyone to even _want_ it. You've got your word against mine, and a whole bunch of hearsay – what can you do?"

Everyone's a little surprised when Mr. Schue steps forward and _throws Sam to the ground_. "Okay, now, let me explain something," he says, looming over Sam warningly. "I'm one of those teachers who gets _entirely_ overprotective over the students they know well. That, and I'm a decent human being. I don't know what he's going to do about you in the end, but you are not walking around this school like anyone else. You are being expelled, if I can't do anything else. Now we're going."

"Wait, Mr. Schue," says Kurt, gingerly walking over to them. Sam stares.

"So, are you going to react like the rest of them?" asks Sam. "It's really not that big a deal; especially given the way Finn's treated you in the past," and then, with a small smile, he adds, "I love you."

And Kurt spits in his face.

"Stay the _fuck_ away from me, and my family, Sam Evans," he says. "Now Mr. Schue, you can go."

Schuester physically pulls Sam off the ground and pushes him out the door. Kurt breathes in heavily, folding his arms over his chest. Finn sinks into an empty chair – he's pretty sure it wasn't his, but whatever – and someone gently puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Finn?"

He breaks into tears.

* * *

A while later, he's sitting just outside the choir room with Rachel, and she holds his hand. Everyone's mostly giving them some distance, but they keep coming in and out to check up on him. He doesn't mind.

"I'm really, really sorry," she says.

He raises an eyebrow. "You've said that like, fifty times, Rach."

"Well, just making sure it sinks in," she says with a teasing smile. Then she gets serious again. "Seriously though. I should have known. You were so angry, and scared... and I was me again; I was too self-absorbed, and selfish, and insecure. I made it _all about me_ again, when you really needed me to notice what was wrong. So I'm sorry."

"Rach, you can stop," he says. "It wasn't your job to save me."

"And it wasn't your job to save everyone you knew, but that didn't stop you trying like a madman, did it?" she says. He smiles.

"Fair point," he says. "I'm sorry I was such a dick to you."

"I think you have more than enough excuse, Finn."

"I was just... so scared," he tries to explain. "That if you knew, it would hurt you. You'd be hurting for my sake; _because_ of me, and I couldn't stand that. Not after how much pain I put you before; I mean, with the time I was just one of those jock douches who didn't really know you and made your life hell anyway, and all the time I liked you but was with Quinn, and that whole mess _after_ Quinn when I dumped you because I was too fucking obsessed with my reputation... It's felt like I owed you that much, you know? To be the perfect boyfriend; make things easier for you."

"A rose without a thorn," she sums up. "I want to help you Finn. I'm better than that; to run away from your problems."

He shrugs. "Well, I suck."

She leans in and kisses his forehead. "I love you."

"I know," he replies. "So, are we back together now?"

"If you want us to be."

"I want us to be," he answers. She can't hide her beam.

They're interrupted by the entrance of Kurt. "Rachel, hey," he says. "Could I talk to Finn alone for a minute?"

She nods. "Alright," she says, standing and walking back into the choir room. "Bye."

Finn smiles at Kurt. "Now I know it's serious. You two are being nice to each other and doing what each other asks and everything."

Kurt quirks his lip, sitting down next to Finn. "Just so you know, this floor is disgusting," he says. "I'm going through a lot for you."

Finn shrugs.

"Are you okay?"

Finn bites his lip. "Uh... No," he says honestly. "I still feel like absolute _shit_."

"...Yeah, that was a stupid question." Kurt breathes in deeply. "So, uh, I called our parents," he says. "Told them... what we'd found out. I thought you might be mad, but... it seemed important."

Finn shakes his head. "No man, it's cool. I, uh... guess they needed to know."

Kurt shrugs in response. "My dad was... pretty shook up, when he found out the real reason you were acting that way. He wasn't saying anything different than he would if he felt like he'd done nothing wrong – promising fiery vengeance and death upon Sam – but I can tell the difference. The inflections than represent 'I am furious as hell about this and feel guilty for just assuming it was another bout of homophobia', as opposed to just 'I am furious as hell about this'."

Finn flinches. "I don't want him to feel bad," he says. "I mean, he had his reasons. Not like I haven't done it before."

"Finn, would you _stop_?"

"Stop what?"

"Stop acting like this is somehow punishment for _everything_ you've ever done wrong!" Kurt cries. "Finn, _nothing_ you could possibly do would _ever_ make you deserve this. Okay?"

"Okay," Finn answers. "I just feel so..." he trails off. "You were _happy_ with him."

Kurt reaches across and takes his hand. "I was happy with a lie, Finn," he says. "Do you think I'd ever want to be with him, knowing what a monster he really is?"

"No, of course not!"

"Exactly," says Kurt. "Not to mention, the fact he already had the drugs makes me vaguely paranoid I may have been his original target... I don't see how he would have known I'd be out that night."

Finn winces. "Actually, he said he was looking for you when he showed up – he had flowers and everything. That actually makes a lot of sense. Fuck."

Kurt nods.

"But, in it's own way..." Finn's not sure how to put this. "It kind of doesn't. Because he's a fucked up psycho, but I asked him if he'd do something like that to you... He seemed genuinely offended. Like he wouldn't do it. Like he meant it when he said he loved you. Man, this doesn't make any sense."

Kurt shrugs it off. "He probably would have just fooled himself into thinking I was consenting. He seems the kind who could convince himself of anything to excuse his own selfish desires."

Finn nods. "Yeah," he says. "Fuck, this _sucks_. I just want... I want to stop feeling like this. I feel like I've been torn in two, and I don't understand _why_. And it's sort of like, if I feel like this, he's _won_, but I can't _stop_."

"Finn," Kurt says. "You don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to beat anyone. You need to get better, and that's _all_. And we'll help you through it, okay?"

"Okay," he says. Kurt squeezes his hand tighter, and Finn's calm for the first time in weeks.


End file.
